a broken back

There's a lady in the city that sends new immigrants to my office for employment. She's a real gem.

Today I interviewed one of these gentlemen. I think my heart broke when I asked if he had any family in the city and he said he is saving his money to bring them here. He is over qualified for the position. We hired him. We don't pay that much, really. I mean, we don't pay that much if you're trying to become established so you can bring your family from overseas.

I asked him how he communicates with his family: Via email and telephone, he tells me. Well, I guess he'll be spending xmas alone. We invite him to our xmas open house, telling him he'll see the people he gets to work with.

He looks at me with so much respect, but it's really strange: it makes me feel ashamed. I don't deserve this respect from him. And I don't think I'm just being ageist thinking this... I don't think I should be showing him respect just because he's older than me; instead, I feel ashamed because of the degree of control I hold over him: if I give him the job, he'll start establishment; if I don't, he must keep looking for work...

Oh yeah, the building I work in is screwing all the windows shut.